As you can probably tell from the title of this blog, I love my coffee. On a typical day, I’m usually a moody, pessimistic, downtrodden mess…and that’s when I’ve consumed multiple cups of coffee, so a day without any coffee means I practically turn into the spawn of Satan.
So, I love nothing more than being able to go into a nice café and order myself a lovely steaming cup of coffee. However, navigating the world of coffee shops can be an extremely tricky business; prices are now so extortionate, that I want to make sure that I’m getting good bang for my buck when I’m fuelling my caffeine addiction. Whilst I would love to be able to escape the cycle of capitalism and support a plethora of sustainable independent coffee shops, more often than not, I have entered a trendy new café and paid a small fortune for a bleakly depressing coffee.
As a case in point, I paid £4.80 for an oat milk caramel latte that amounted to nothing more than lukewarm syrupy milk in a cup so small that it made me feel like a borrower.
Ultimately, I cannot afford to be playing Russian roulette when it comes to buying coffee. As a result, I find myself buying drinks from the corporate, capitalist café chains that pervade our high street, as at least I know I am getting some consistent quality that I will enjoy in some way.
So, as I am bored, I decided I would give my musings on some of the biggest coffee chains throughout the UK. I want to stress that I am by no means a coffee expert; I won’t be analysing the milligrams of caffeine or exact levels of acidity within each latte. But if you want to hear some random thoughts about the various coffee chains in the UK, look no further.
Without further ado I present my coffee shop musings…
Costa Coffee
Costa Coffee proclaims that it they are ‘The Nation’s Favourite Coffee Shop’.
Really? Says who?
Costa is the only coffee shop that I flat out refuse to go to if someone asks to meet for a drink. For me, the coffee here doesn’t have any punch, tasting bland, watery and sending me to sleep rather than waking me up. It’s speciality drinks also amount to nothing more some Monin syrup mixed in a cup, so when you get to the final dregs of your drink, you are met with a sugary overload. Quite simply, none of the drinks feel as though they are made with any sense of care or appreciation. The food offerings also offer nothing exciting; I’d rather get a Poundland meal deal. The actual shops themselves also lack any sense of character, with décor and a colour scheme that feels mismatched and chaotic but not in a cute or kitschy way (which is really saying something when talking about the cut and paste quality of most coffee shop chains). Whilst I may understand why some people like the sense of familiarity and simplicity of Costa, to me, it offers nothing that I am interested in. It rarely feels as though it does anything new or exciting; it just feels a bit boring.
It’s one redeeming quality is that it does sometimes produce one or two good offerings during the festive period, with a nice slice of chocolate cake and themed beverages (but the only reason these are any good is because they usually come with a free sweet).
In short, the only time you will find me stepping into Costa is the free slice of cake you get on your birthday from their loyalty card scheme.
Pret A Manger
I really enjoy Pret A Manger overall. Its coffee feels distinctive amongst other chains, with a great strength, perfect for when you begin to feel your eyes drooping at your work desk and need a jolt of life. It is also consistently well made and moderately priced. However, its speciality drinks aren’t particularly special, tasting nothing like the flavour they are trying to emulate, often being quite disappointing.
Pret’s biggest standout is its food, offering meat, veggie and vegan options, ranging from toasties, wraps and sandwiches to salads, soups and pastries. It tastes freshly made and is seasonally updated so that you never run out of new options to try.
Pret’s weakness comes from the shops themselves. They often feel like grab and go locations, and as a result, are very busy, making it difficult to settle down and get work done or have a nice catch up with a friend. Choosing to sit down in a Pret and get on with important work is tantamount to sitting amongst an orchestra rehearsal and having cymbals whacked against your head.
My one true gripe with Pret A Manger is its subscription service, ‘Club Pret’. For £30 a month it offers 5 barista-made drinks a day as well as 20% off its menu. Whilst available in many franchises across the country, Pret made the decision to remove the offer from its location on my university campus. This felt as though it was a choice made because they were either losing money or couldn’t keep up with demand. Whilst this is a jaded and bitter frustration of mine, I don’t think a company should be able to offer a service if they are unable to deliver it. For this reason, my love for Pret A Manger has dropped drastically…even if I do really love their soups and smoked salmon sandwich.
Caffè Nero
Caffè Nero is often a dark horse in my assessment of coffee shops.
Its coffee is pleasant and well rounded, not too strong, weak or watery, with its speciality offerings often hitting the spot (a particular favourite of mine is the iced pistachio latte).
Its food selection is delicious, including steadfast favourites as well as some more unique options. The standout at Nero is easily its bakery and sweet treat selection, which offers perfect portions of indulgence that will never fail to put a smile on your face.
Nero feels like a coffee shop in the traditional sense, with its locations having a quirkiness yet familiarity that allow it to be a brilliant place to work, meet with friends or to snuggle and read a book. As an added bonus it also offers discounts to students as well as via tastecard and Compare the Market.
However, I have to say that their decaf blend of coffee is abysmal. I personally don’t see the point in decaf, if I am having a coffee, I need the caffeine but if you want to enjoy a decaf beverage, avoid Caffè Nero like the plague.
I must also pay tribute to a fallen victim: the ‘Hot Chocolate Milano’, which was comparable to drinking melted chocolate, capable of sending you into a state of blissful ecstasy. One day it was removed from the menu and it hasn’t been seen since; for this I will never forgive Caffè Nero.
Starbucks
I am not sure if words can explain my infatuation with Starbucks. For me, this is perhaps my one true love.
I will be fair by acknowledging that it of course has some flaws. It’s food and beverage options are not that exciting or extensive, often being quite disappointing and dare I say it…bland.
It’s also quite pricey, which is not great for my fellow coffee addicts.
The shops themselves can also feel quite corporate or cut and paste, with many new locations popping up and assembled so alarmingly quickly that they are akin to IKEA flatpack furniture.
Yet the cut and paste element of Starbucks is why I like it.
I am a creature of comfort. I like a sense of familiarity and everywhere I go I know that Starbucks will offer that sense of consistency and comfort that I crave. As I mentioned at the start of my musings, If I am forking out a mortgage to buy a cup of coffee, I want to know I will be getting a drink and coffee shop experience that I know I will enjoy and that is what Starbucks offers.
For me, its blend of coffee is perfect, impeccably balancing a sense of strength, sweetness and bitterness. The Starbucks Caramel Latte (either warm or iced) is pure bliss.
Its speciality drinks also feel new and exciting when they are released and made with the sense of care that I want when I’m paying lots of money for a drink. Starbucks also holds the title of selling my favourite beverage of all time: the Eggnog Latte. When Christmas hits, I wish I could be sipping these non-stop. I could probably write an entire article about them!
In short, Starbucks is my favourite coffee chain and it will most likely never be beaten. Words cannot do it justice.
Your thoughts?
I hope you have enjoyed my musings on the various chains of coffee shops. What do you think? Do you agree, disagree? What are your favourite coffee shops? Let me know!
As I like to say, opinions are like arseholes: everyone’s got one!
So, if you have any you’d like me to try out, let me know, I’m always in search of more coffee.
